NFL Week 8: Candy Cousins
NFL Week 8: Candy Cousins
The family and I had a thing called “Trunk or Treat” this past Sunday and by the end of the night I was making kids cry. For those who are not familiar, “Trunk or Treat” consists of rows of cars in a set space (in this case it was our church), with their decorated trunks open. Kids walk from car to car and the owners of the cars hand out candy from their trunks. The kids get sugared up and the adults who decorate their cars get to express some creativity while putting smiles on the kiddos’ faces. Some of the designs are mighty elaborate; one car’s backside was designed to look like a Costco snack bar. Ours was a purple monster with its mouth (the trunk) open and the kids had to reach in to grab the candy from the monster’s mouth.
We had ring pops (those were very popular), Dum Dums, and giant Now and Laters. At first we were playing fast and loose with the candy. We were telling the kids to grab as many candies as they wanted, cheerfully adding “Happy Halloween” to the joy of every kid’s masked or painted mug. Then about 45 minutes into it we realized that if we kept this up we would be wiped out sooner than later. We had to make this last another hour plus. So we began to hand the candies out, one piece per trick or treater. I’d drop a single Dum Dum into their sack and they’d look down to make sure I had put something in there, giving me a weak “thank you” that their parent had to nudge out of them. Ok I didn’t make any kids cry, but I was sad for them. It hurt to have to ration the sweets, but we had to make it last, to the chagrin of every Barbie/Pikachu/Ninja Turtle that approached our purple monster.
What does this have to do with fantasy football in week 8? Absolutely nothing. And absolutely everything. Any trick or treating that a kid does comes with a certain amount of risk. They might get lucky and get a handful of treats or they may get hosed and get a single Dum Dum dropped in their pillow case. Us fantasy footballers may have been treated with Kirk Cousins for 8 weeks of sweet, sugary bliss. (Heck, even after he lost Justin Jefferson week 5, he still treated you with a 300+ yard game, multiple scores in 3 of the last 4 and even helped Jordan Addison break out.) Then Sunday happened. Before he went down with what would prove to be a torn achilles, he was well ahead of the Green Bay Packers, at their home stadium, opening up their secondary like an overly concerned parent slicing up their child’s Halloween candy in search of razor blades. Then he awkwardly wobbled into a throw during the fourth quarter and went down never to make another pass for the rest of the afternoon, thus serving his owners the ultimate trick. Now that he is out for the season, Kirk Cousins is the equivalent of a single Dum Dum dropped into an empty trick or treat sack and all of his owners (yours truly included) feel like a bunch of suckers.
Week 8 Observations
*Did all DeAndre Hopkins need to unlock another 100+ yard game is some Levis? Rookie Will Levis wore his Ryan Tannehill costume and passed for 238 yards and 4 TD’s. Tannehill can take his time recovering.
*Dak Prescott is finally cashing in that CeeDee. Dak threw for 304 and 4 TD’s. 158 of those yards and 2 of those scores went to CeeDee Lamb, whose impression of a squeaky wheel paid off.
*Matt Stafford had a very scary injury to his thumb that took him out of action for the second half.
*Cooper Kupp and Puka Nacua are usually one or the other in terms of going off. This week with Stafford going down they hauled in 4-21-0 and 3-43-0 respectively. Not good if Stafford misses time. Although, Stafford or no Stafford, Dallas D was pressuring the QB all day.
*Tommy DeVito should be the default name for all 3rd string QB’s in the NFL going forward. Greatest. Back-up. QB name. Ever.
*The Jets were almost upset by the lowly Giants. See what happens when you spend your bye week at an Air BnB with your hot girlfriend going to Halloween parties and getting stinky in the rented sheets? Looking at you, Zach Wilson!
*Miami destroyed the soul of Bill Belichick. After a 31 yard TD by Jaylen Waddle, I saw Bill mouth “What the f*** are we doing?” on TV. I am not one to revel in another man’s misery, but it was interesting to see that. I’ve never seen Belichick lose his cool.
*Tua Tagovailoa threw for 324 and 3 TD’s. Can you imagine when De’Von Achane returns? Buy him now while owners are desperate during bye weeks.
*Travis Etienne looks like a league winner to me. You got him relatively cheap (3rd round-ish) and he continues to post double digit fantasy points. This week he scored his 7th TD in just the last 4 weeks. That whole offense has found their stride.
*Yay! Carolina got their first win. And their last.
*Chuba Hubbard turned 15 carries into 28 yards. Eeek!
*Owning Taysom Hill is as terrible as those fruity tootsie rolls you get on Halloween that nobody ever eats. You don’t want to throw them out, but you don’t want to eat them because ewww. Do you start Taysom or do you sit him? He can get you 2 fantasy points or 21. This week he exploded for 63 rush yards and 2 TD’s plus a 44 yard pass. He will be a hot pick up, but I’d rather pass. Unless you pick him up and see what you can get to flip him?
*As a Jonathan Taylor owner in multiple leagues, I don’t like that he is splitting carries with Zack Moss. I don’t like it one bit.
*Julio Jones caught a TD wearing an Eagle jersey. It was like seeing an old friend from high school on TV: Cool, but with an air of “wtf did I just see?”
*Julio’s teammate AJ Brown continued his fantasy MVP campaign with 8 catches for 130 and 2 more TD’s. This was his 6th consecutive game with at least 125 receiving yards, an NFL record.
*That’s 3 losses in a row for the 49’ers. The Bengals had some much needed rest and it showed as they trounced San Francisco on all fronts. Even Joe Mixon (110 scrimmage yards, TD) looked spry. Not to take anything away from the Bengals but if SF had DeeBo Samuel and LB Trent Williams there may have been a slight difference in outcome. But I repeat, I take NOTHING away from the Bengals. They are back.
*Denver shocked KC. I was already setting up for Trunk or Treat while the afternoon games were playing out, so I kept looking at the score in between tasks and thinking “Denver is up but it’s close, KC will come back.” Then an hour passed and KC still hadn’t come back. Then they lost. I don’t know how that happened. There was a full moon Saturday night. Maybe Russell Wilson went deep into the Colorado Rockies and sacrificed a goat?
*All aboard the Gus Bus! Gus Edwards is finally taking off as he exploded for 3 TD’s, turning in back to back double digit fantasy scores.
*PJ Walker is good for David Njoku, who was targeted 8 times for 4 catches, 77 yards, and a TD. PJ targeted Amari Cooper 11 times. Although he did turn the ball over 3 times. As a Njoku owner I say go ahead and take a long Spa Day, Deshaun Watson.
*Chargers did what they were supposed to do: Beat down an inferior team. Usually they beat down for 3 quarters and then let the other team sneak in the back door for a last minute upset. The good news is they got the W, the bad news is they saved Staley’s job for another few weeks. I was so scared of the Chargers doing Charger things, that I just could not take them in my survivor pool. That is where we are at with the Chargers this season.
*Nobody looks cooler holding a clipboard than Justin Fields.
*The team I did take for Survivor was the Lions. Save for that pick 6 thrown by Jared Goff, they dominated the Raiders all night. Seemed like once they figured out to run the ball on whatever side Maxx Crosby was not lined up on, they balled.
Apropos of the Broncos pantsing Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs, meet Stephanie…
She is a rookie Bronco Cheerleader who was born by the riverside in Stanwood, Washington. Halloween is her favorite holiday as she loves dressing up as anything that requires fishnets. She also loves to give candy out at homeless shelters during the spookiest night of the year. We’ve had about 12 pounds of candy in the last 72 hours, but darn it if that isn’t the sweetest thing we’ve come across all week, Steph!