NFL Week 11: Early Exit
My wife had her friends over to our house this weekend for a “Friendsgiving”. For those of you unfamiliar, Friendsgiving is an early Thanksgiving celebration with friends instead of family. There was turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, yams, 12 bottles of wine, and lots of stimulating conversations.
What there was not, was an end time. In my old age, I find myself getting tired sooner. I have the body clock of an 80 year old. It comes with the territory when you have a 9-5 job coupled with having tween/teen kids. There is always somewhere to be, something to do, someone to pick up or drop off, and your sleep is like a precious date you have with yourself for 8 hours (if you’re lucky) nightly.
Just about 9pm every night, my sleepy brain says, “Hey that copy of Robinson Crusoe is sitting on the nightstand, calling our name. Don’t you want to see if he figured out how to make pies and bread without an oven?” (That’s right. I’m reading Robinson Crusoe. Don’t judge.) I answer myself, “Yes. Yes I do want to find that out. And while we are at it, how about some of that Sleepy Time tea to set the mood?” That is generally how the convo goes during the week.
But this past Saturday at 9pm, while my mind was trying to lure me away to the deserted island Mr. Crusoe is trying to navigate, I was sitting by a fire discussing the pros and cons of the word “Latinx”, trying my damndest not to look at my watch. Why am I such an old man? 9pm on Saturdays used to be when I would be getting ready to go out. Now I am dozing off when I am surrounded by my wife’s friends, who are fun, interesting people, and all I can think about is Robinson Fucking Crusoe! I need to exercise more. Or lay off the wine. Or resign myself to the fact that I am no longer a young man and I cannot party like I used to. Say goodbye to the all night shot taking, say hello to quiet, early exits from social functions. Ah, life.
It could be worse. I am complaining about an early exit from a holiday gathering. What about those of us who had to deal with the early exits of running backs, like, oh I don’t know, (gasp!) De’Von Achane??? Us Achane owners waited 5 weeks for the return of this stud TD machine only to be rugged by his bad knee after just one carry for one yard. He did add a reception for 4 yards, so PPR folks were blessed with 1 single solitary fantasy point. Yay. The team reportedly received “positive feedback” Monday regarding his knee, whatever the f that means. So now he is iffy for week 12. Do we start him if he is playing or do we have him take a seat and possibly watch him score multiple TD’s on our bench? After 5 weeks of waiting and going through week 11 where he absolutely killed us, I just don’t know. I was so damaged by him I had to shower in the fetal position 20 minutes into the Sunday games, not sure if I can go through that kind of emotional pain again. I’m fucking tired.
Week 11 Observations
*Joe Burrow is out for the season, taking Ja’Marr Chase owners down with him.
*Mark Andrews is also out for the season (wasn’t Thursday fun?). Go ahead and add Isaiah Likely, but be warned, he played week 1 with no Mark Andrews and caught 1 ball for 4 yards.
*Dallas D scored again. With the way they are playing, Dak Prescott doesn’t have to do much (just 189 yards this week with 2 TD’s). CeeDee Lamb took a break from his 150 yards streak with 6 catches for 38 yards, but he scored again.
*Dorian Thompson-Robinson is no Deshaun Watson, but he will grow into the position. He ran a few times for 20 yards and chucked the ball 43 times. Amari Cooper still ate (4-34-0, on 8 targets). That defense should keep the team rolling while DTR figures it out
*Pittsburgh is the ugliest 6-4 team in the league. Jaylen Warren was a bright spot rushing for 129 yards, 74 of which was on one TD run. Najee Harris owners be like…
*Justin Fields was back and kept Chicago in the game vs. Detroit, rushing for 104 yards. That and Jared Goff was struggling. He threw 3 INT’s, one a pick 6, with 236 yards and 2 TD’s. All those “he’s better at home” peeps can shut it. Detroit won in spite of him as opposed to the other way around in weeks past.
*Crown CJ Stroud. He’s ROY. Another week, another 336 yards and 2 TD’s. We can forgive the 3 INT’s when he shows us throws like the absolute gem 40 yard TD he chucked to Tank Dell in the 2nd quarter. What a duo.
*Props to the Raiders for hanging with Miami. Antonio Pierce has given them a burst of energy that is palpable when you watch them. But Miami is too fast and too talented for a lot of teams, Raiders included. Tyreke Hill, who scared us when he exited briefly with a hand injury, took the Vegas secondary to school with 10 catches for 146 yards and a pretty 38 yard TD that utilized Tyreke’s juke button more than once.
*See intro for our thoughts on De’Von Achane.
*It is hard to be a Jaylen Waddle owner. The ceiling is there, but the floor is 3 rec for 42 scoreless yards.
*Tommy DeVito’s updated Bumble profile: Male, 25, lives with parents, has already thrown as many TD’s as Zach Wilson this season, beat the Washington Commanders, likes Pistachio Ice-Cream and Victorian Poetry.
*Being a Charger fan sucks. We are the only team to have 5 losses by 3 points or less. We can blame Brandon Staley, but he wasn’t the one who dropped that game winning pass. Quentin Johnston did.
*Of course Jordan Love has the game of his life against the Chargers horrible D. 322 pass yards, 2 TD’s, no turnovers when he had turned the ball over in all but 3 games. Start your mids vs the Chargers. They’re very generous.
*Calvin Ridley truthers are out in full force because he caught a pair of TD’s Sunday. To them I say, sell high.
*Brock Purdy had a perfect QB rating of 158.3 for the day. Being that he was Mr. Irrelevant in the 2022 draft, literally any team could have drafted him. Certain GM’s gotta be kicking themselves…
*On a totally unrelated topic, Zach Wilson, 2nd overall pick in the 2021 draft, finally got benched. His 6:7 TD to INT ratio speaks for itself. Tommy DeVito has thrown for as many TD’s as Wilson in only 4 games. Zach may have started his last NFL game.
*Cooper Kupp got injured again. This is why we don’t draft him. His ceiling is MVP. His floor is DNP.
*Kenneth Walker had an early exit of his own with an oblique injury. If Zach Charbonnet (just 45% owned in Yahoo) is available, you blow your FAAB on that kid.
*Denver was a fake doormat for the first 3 weeks of the season. They lost to Las Vegas and Washington, then got blown out by Miami in that infamous 70-20 debacle. So everyone wrote them off. But the Raiders and Commanders losses were by 1 and 2 points respectively and Miami beats up on lots of teams. They could easily be 7-2, instead of 5-4. They will be tested in Cleveland this week, but don’t be surprised if they get their 6th win in a low scoring slug fest. Take the under.
*So much for the Andy Reid always wins coming off the bye narrative. Chiefs vs. Philly was a slow paced, rainy, windy game. If that’s the Super Bowl I hope the halftime show is exciting. Otherwise I may bail early so I can get some sleep.
Cheer Corner
This is a weekly section in our wrap up where we single out a cheerleader from a select team to say thank you for all the hard work they put in for us fans and their team.
Apropos of me crying in the shower and needing some Dolphin cheer over the loss (again!) of De’Von Achane, meet Diandra…
This Morristown, New Jersey native is enjoying her second year in Miami. She studied at Drexel University and loves animals. Her favorites are Peacocks. She grew up with 6 of them as pets! Fun fact: a group of Peacocks is called a “Party”. Something tells us Diandra can have a good time with or without her feathered friends. Party on, D!